Free Falling

August.  Already.  I liken this year to free falling!  But I know I could almost say the same for the past four years. 

This was about 3 and a half years ago.  Six month old triplets and a 4 year old boy.  

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I look at their little faces and can see so clearly their developing personalities; it is amazing seeing how much they have grown and flourished.  They were never teeny tiny, and for that I am lucky.  They have all grown in leaps and bounds and have amazed not only themselves, but each other with what they can do.  I do think though that at times they are a pack, or a collective; and the realisation that I will never understand what it is like to be a triplet is overwhelming some times.   I will only ever know what it is like to observe them, and their bond, not only with each other, but with Hayden.

I had to take a trip to the hospital (non work related unfortunately) with B the other night (he is fine!).  When he was being asked questions by the doctor about how old he was his answer was ‘we are four’.  The doctor was a little perplexed.  “Does he always talk in third person?”  She asked. My reply, “Ah, no, he is one of a triplet and is answering for all three”. Her face was priceless!  She then started asking Brendan what it was ‘like’ to have two sisters that are the same age as him.  His reply – “no lady doctor, I am older than my sisters”.  Two minutes mate. Two minutes!  She was intrigued by how he was answering for his sisters even though they were not there, and it got me thinking about their intricacies. 

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They still sleep with their beds touching and every night, on random checks, they are always touching.  They want their own blankets and pillows and bed, but they sprawl in their sleep into each others beds.  Caitlyn always has her feet on or around Brendan’s back.  Emma curls into a little ball every night to sleep, and ends up a mass of hair and arms.  And her arms are always touching Brendan.  It is beautiful to see, and I wonder how long it will last for.  Hayden sleeps in his own room/bed but we are at the point of thinking about putting them all together in the one room as sometimes I think Hayden feels excluded.  But also because the collective want their big brother in with them.  So it will be two lots of bunk beds.  It will take some getting used to for them all – as they won’t be able to sprawl across three beds.   But I think they are ready for it.  Bedtime will sure be fun, and I am sure we will have fights over who is in the top bunk. 

I know I often say time flies, but the past four years really have flown.  I have watched these squidgy, roly poly babies turn into little people!  Little people with their own opinions, thoughts and feelings.  They speak a mile a minute, and all say different words and talk differently.  They have distinct voices, and yet at times, can sound the same.  They often want different things, but then they will always end up wanting the same.  They are incredibly unique, but will always have a bond that ties them together.  I watch them and wonder if they will always be this close – and I mean Hayden as well.  Will they hang out as young adults?  Will they ‘do’ stuff together?  I hope so.  I really do. 

Back to the present; and this week is Bookweek!  We LOVE bookweek, and this is the first year that Hayden has not dressed up (his school only lets Preppies and Grade Oners dress up) and he is a bit miffed!  The trio had their dress up yesterday.  And you could not get any more individual than these three.

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Right here we have Miss Emma as a Ghostbuster (it was a nightmare tracking this costume down!!), B as Iron Man and Catilyn as Minnie Mouse.  I don’t think they could get any more different if they tried!  They had an amazing day full of books, adventures and rescues.  Apparently Minnie Mouse had to help contain a ghost as Emma’s proton pack was missing for a bit.  I love these stories.  I love how they intertwine each others loves and likes and make them all their own.  You should hear them talk about Hayden!  Everything that he loves – they love.  It is just heartwarming to hear them try and include themselves in his adventures.  Every day when we drop Hayden off at school they always say “have a good school”.  It is something they have said for over a year, and I cannot bring myself to correct their grammar!!

Often I worry about Hayden being excluded.  But only have to look at them all to see that he is not.  He sometimes just wants his own “Hayden time”, and has three little people demanding his attention, thoughts or assistance with getting something done in Minecraft.  In the eyes of the triplets, he is the coolest person in the world, and can do no wrong!

And back to today.  Halfway through term 3.  Only 4 months left in the year.   It is absolutely unreal how fast time has gone.  The amount of people that have said ‘enjoy the time while it lasts as they will be leaving home before you know it’ – I used to think this was just a saying.  But now know it to be true.  Hayden is in grade 2.  I have three in Kindy.  Time flies – even in the early days of the triplets babyhood where they were feeding three hourly and would take an hour to feed on my own.  Oh those days were L……O………N………G…….. and led to sleep deprivation most definitely.  But those moments don’t even get a look in now.  I think back and remember the giggles, and milestones, not the sleep that I missed, or the things I could not get to because I had three newborns. 

Each day is a crazy mess of routine, laughter, giggling and crying all at the same time, and four kids who won’t break.  Four kids who are growing up strong.  They can assert themselves, and live in a world where princesses are real and being a knight is a true and real job.  Hayden teaches the trio so much and they look up to him so much it brings me to tears if I think too much about the love behind it.  Because ultimately, their personalities have come from what they are growing up in and around, so I can’t be doing too bad a job.  No matter how fast the days go by, I still have these four examples that I can do good.  Some days, when work is overwhelming and fatigue has hit an all time high I wonder why do I bother pushing myself?  These tiny humans are why.  Because every day I am a mum, first and foremost, and all my other roles are second.  I have to navigate a safe path for my kids, and teach them to be able to walk that path themselves.  I have to stop myself from doing everything for them – because some times it is easier to do it for them, but I am not being fair to them or me!  There is a fine line in motherhood where you can do more harm than good; an intricate balance even; where you need to stop doing even though it hurts, and start showing and allowing them to thrive and do it their way.  It hurts!  It feels like I am not the centre of their world or I am not needed.  I am, and always will be, it is just that this motherhood thing is constantly evolving and changing, and while they may not need me to dress them anymore, they still need me for a bunch of other things.  It is all a balance, and ultimately one hell of a free fall every single day.  And who knew that was what motherhood was?!

 

 

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